Fetish Classified Ads of Inanimate Objects

March 20, 2014 11:52 am ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅ Ian MacAllen

Single White Urinal, average height with small knob wants to get pissed on. Seeks same or similar.

Pair of chopsticks needs a third! We’re a couple with hard wood looking to experiment. Hand fetishes okay! Asians preferred.

Traditional Teddy Bear seeks similarly furry animal. Shaggy fur a plus. No Beanie Babies.

Single Black Sock just got out of a long-term relationship and looking for something new. Sorry, no couples.

This fork wants to cuddle! Tired of getting stabbed all the time, I’m ready for someone I can settle down with and who knows how to spoon.

Violin seeking like-minded string instruments. Tired of the solo act? So am I. Would love a quartet or triplet, but would settle for duet.

Originally published by Electric Cereal
March 20, 2014
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