The Presidential Schedule for Monday, September 14th.

As a reminder, Monday, September 14th is a federal holiday in observance of September Eleventh. Federal offices will be closed.

The President’s public schedule will begin in the Rose Garden at 10 a.m. with the customary pardoning of a Bald Eagle, a tradition dating back to last year. During this ceremonial event, the President selects a prize-winning bald eagle to grant clemency. The lucky eagle chosen this year will look forward to growing old on display at the Guantanamo Bay Children’s Petting Zoo.

Following the clemency ceremony, the President will entertain up to seven questions from the presidential press corps. If you have not already been informed of the question you will be allowed ask, you will not be asking the President a question.

Afterward, the President will proceed to Camp David Rumsfeld joining the First Lady and their daughters. The first family will enjoy a traditional September Eleventh meal with close friends. The menu will include an organically raised California bald eagle glazed with New Hampshire maple syrup and stuffed with cornbread baked from Iowa cornmeal. Idaho grown freedom fries will also be served even though Idaho plays absolutely no role in the upcoming primary elections.

At 3 p.m., the President and the First Lady will return to Washington by helicopter. They will visit the National Mall to take advantage of the September Eleventh sales. The President said he hopes to find deals on back to school supplies for the first daughters and maybe a new flat panel, plasma television with surround sound. As a reminder, to avoid civil penalties, all Americans are required to spend at least three hundred dollars as part of the American Economic Retail Recovery Act and credit card purchases made after August 1st will be considered a tax deduction for this fiscal year.

At 6 p.m., the President will judge the Fraternal Order of First Responder Heroes seventh annual chili cook-off. He will sample a variety of chili dishes prepared by first responder heroes from across the country selecting a winner from a critical swing state to curry favor with voters prior to next year’s primary. The annual chili cook-off also serves as a fundraiser for the Transportation Security Administration Victims’ Fund.

The President and the First Lady will return to the White House by 8 p.m. to view the Macy’s September Eleventh Fireworks over the Potomac River. The fireworks will be broadcast live nationwide alongside rousing patriotic lyrics and images of American flags.

To conclude the evening, the first family will exchange September Eleventh gifts in the residence. The schedule for Tuesday, September 15th is to follow.

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